Function: noun
1. A bittersweet longing for things, persons, or situations of the past.
2. The condition of being homesick; homesickness.

They say "a picture is worth thousand words" to show that, sometimes, words are not enough.  But there are times when a single word shares and explains everything you're thinking, feeling, and experiencing. 

I don't know what it is but I've been sluggish for past few days.  I guess I was physically tired from the packed Revival weekend, but I think it's more than that.  I am missing that time of corporate worship at Follinger - being in the presence of God with hundreds of believers.  I tell you, the last closing worship on Saturday night was incredibly blessing - giving unhindered worship to God with beloved congregation of CFC.  Wow!   It also brought  so much joy to my heart, as I saw some of our younger small group members getting blessed.  Just to think, this moment of worship was a mere gimpse of the promised true worship that will take place in our heavenly home...  [Revelation 7:9-10]  I long for that day.  As P. Min would say, "Let's get the job done and go home."

Today I was thinking about , how my public worship doesn't match with my private worship. 

It's true that I don't have talented band leading me in a time of praise (these guys are just getting better & better!).  And I am not surrounded by fervant believers worshipping God with hunger & passion.  My quiet time is nothing like sermons that I hear from Dr. Zimmerman. 

But the object of worship is still the same - the living God, who deserves all glory & honor.  It comes to show that times, my heart hungers for that exhilarating experience of worship, more than God Himself.  I must learn to seek His face... 

Before I go too deep and spill out my heart again, let me end with a light hearted favorite moment from the Revival.

Mosh Pit

No, I wasn't there.  I was tempted but I don't think I would know what to do it there.   I will probably tear ACL in my other knee. But during the closing praise, three of our small group girls (Joanne, Michelle, & Selah) bounced their way into a mosh pit full of passionate wild boys.  I think they were the only girls in that pit. 

Let me tell you,  I felt like my heart was pounding like a parent chaperoning at a Junior High dance -  making sure that no boys jumped into our precious little girls.   I was a bit surprised to see when of our mature  co-servant  Joanne jumped into this crowd.  But I doubt she cared about opinions of people at that time.  She was too busy putting a smile on God's face. That's why she's #1  female co-servant of FP4.

Today I had a little cultural lesson at work.  One of my small group girl Tana (pronounced like Montana) burned a country music cd for me & Mikey Park.  She wrote out all of the song titles & singers on the cover.  I felt like I was back in high school all over again.  Anyhow,  I had that CD in my car, but I didn't really listen to it.  Can you imagine, an Asian guy driving in a 2 door accord blasting country music? 

Anyhow, I just listened to an hour and half of the finest selection of country music - 19 songs in toal.   Maybe it was the gloomy weather outside or the case of Mundays at work, but I  enjoyed it - except for a song that talked about inappropriate topics.

Here're some of my thoughts on Country Music (Songs that I listen to today):

• Most of them tell a story.  Words are beautifully written and they rhyme like a poetry.
• The time period of these stories could be short as a drive in a pickup truck to a whole life time of a person. 
• Stories are very down to earth.  It captures different aspects of human emotions. Some songs are about happy moments, but most of them are about sad moments in life.  I almost teared listening to this one song  "a little Johnny went fishing with his dad" by Tim Mcgraw.
• All songs were about human relationship and most of them are love songs.  They're not your ideal romantic & glorified relationships.  They just tell it like it is.
• But after my careful Shirlock Holmes observation, I just noticed that all of the songs I listened were done by male vocalists.  In my curiosity, I looked up these singers on Google Image.

Here's one (Chris Cagle):

Here's anothe (Keith Urban):

And More (Tim McGraw):

K.  So I should have known my 18 year old female member would be wooed by these country hunks.  BTW, she's Korean.

These aren't the only guys that look good in a cowboy hat.  Check out these fine gentlemen:

Only person that pull off wearing a pink cowboy hat with a CFC summer league shirt and still look good.

Asian cowboy hanging out at a West Coast beach.

EDIT: Regret

This def. doesn't deserve an entry, but I am suffering.

I blame it all on a choice that I made last night. I admit that I wasn't thinking with my head. After coming out of my 2 months break from working out, I decided to make a protein shake for myself. I was left with a decision to use: 2 weeks old milk or not.

I didn't see any lumps,  it smelled fine, and its color was still white, so I went for the creamy taste. Since the moment I woke up, my stomach has been out of control.  I totally deserve it.

Dear God...

Children.  They are so adorable!  I know that they're not perfect little angels all the time, yet there's something very precious about their transparentness - especially when their hearts are expresed.

Here's a collection of "Dear God," letters.  It's one of the best I seen. Some of these kids definitely need to attend a Sunday school, because they got some messed up theology (reincarnation, health & wealth gospel, etc). I love how some of them are just plain selfish and they don't even know it - like me sometimes.

My favorite is Elliot's letter. This kid knows how to have a right relationship with God.

Love is missing a coversation as soon as it ends.

Since we're on a topic of talking to God.  Here's a great expression of who Jesus is.  It was originally written by a Scottish preacher named James Stewart - who's considered as one of the greatest preachers in the 20th century. I must have listend to it over 20 times. (Taken from Ravi Zecharias' message)

Love is expressing all of Him as best you can.

Whenever I get a phone call from my mom,
first few exhanges of words take place in English.

Me: Hello?
Mom: Hi JIM!
Me: Hi Umma
Mom: Is everything going good?
Me: Yes.
Mom: Any good news?
Me: Naeh~  Same old stuff. Nothing new.
Mom: Leally? Nothing exciting? Well then no news is good news.

The semester is coming to its last leg and it seems like everyone is swamped with "things to do/finish."  During these times, I can become very mechanical - just doing my job.  Sadly this attitude carries over in my relationship with people - and even in my walk with God. 

Last week, I had a good talk with one of my members at Dorcas.  I wasn't prepared for a deep conversation on a topic of Free Will vs. Predestination: How can our decisions be responsible if we are completely dependent upon God's decision? But at the end of our talk, we both agreed that our current personal relationship with God depends on both our choices and God's unconditional commitment towards His children.

And as I thought more about this topic, I am beginning to see how powerful free will really is.  I am a big believer in "No Pain, No Gain".  Some joys in life can be attained through disciplines & hard work - learning to snowboard, picking up a new instrument, training to pray, etc.  You just gotta bite the bullet and do it.  But there are joys that can only be experienced when we are freely choosing, commiting, and loving something/someone - without being forced or pressured externally.  You simply make that choice because you love it! 

One of my unhindered pure joys this moment:  Reading Chronicles of Narnia written by C.S. Lewis. 

After hearing so many good things from Joel Park & others, I read its first three chapters this past Thursday.  I  have about 6 books to finish for my classes, so I was a bit hesistant to start up a new book.  But I enjoyed it so much that I ordered a copy from Buy.com. I am dying to find out what will happend to those two children!!!

Ok. This is turning out to be another long entry.  But since we're on a topic of C.S. Lewis, here's an allegory on a topic of pleasure.  I must say that I am fascinated by his works and biography. 

C. S. Lewis in his book, Screwtape Letters, has a powerful exchange take place between a senior and a junior devil. The junior one is being urged to go and side track an individual, who is caught  between going God's way or the devil's way.

Senior Devil: "Go get him. Away from the Enemy!"
Junior Devil: "Yes Zsir!"

Sometime later a junior devil returns and says,

Junior D: "We lost him completely. He has gone all the way over to the Enemy's side."
Senior D: "How did that happen?"
Junior D: "Well two things happened and none of which I can control." comes the answer, "He started to take a long leisurely walk every morning, just for the pleasure of it.  In the cool of the mornings, as he saw the beautiful creation of the world and thought about good gifts of life, it pointed his mind more and more towards the Enemy."
Senior D: "Tell me more!"
Junior D: "Further, he started to read the Good Book, just for the pleasure of it.  And the more he enjoyed its pure pleasure, it pointed his heart back towards the Enemy."
Senior D: "That's where you blew it!" comes the response. "If you had only had him walk for the sake of exercise, it would have become dreaded and tedious, devoid of pleasure. If you had only had him reading so he could quote the contents to someone else, reading would become burdensome and boring rather than pleasurable. We could then have easily got him!"

This hit home for me.  Has the Good Book became a teaching tool for small group, a class material, or a mere daily to-do task in my life?

As I was instructed by an older spiritual leader, it's time for me to date Jesus.
To choose, commit, and love Him.

Here's a joke:

What's a key to having a great thankgiving?

Turkey! 

Ok. It's not the world's finest joke but it gives a good transition to a series of T-Giving pictures for this entry.

Tur-Duck-Ken

Turkey for FARPAR T-Giving Dinner

1) Throw a football around.
2) Spill mass amount of oil over an open propane flame.

Turkey for Family Dinner

It was time for my parents to meet her. I introduced deep fried turkey to my folks.

This picture makes it look like I knew what I was doing, but I ended up squeezing a clogged syringe full of marinade juice all over the kitchen wall and breaking that white tray.  My mom wasn't too happy.

Yes. She came out golden brown. 

Another what not do: 3) Do not use the deep fryer indoors. But it was snowing outside.

Lastly, another FP4 picture...  I am thankful.